Thursday, March 20, 2008

5- 90% Of My Mind Is With You

For the past few days I've been struggling with my unhealthy habit of over-analyzing the fabric of my everyday.  I've been dissecting things to pieces, restructuring those pieces over and over, and trying to find some semblance of sense or purpose to events/occurrences that most would find rather mundane.  I've been building and destroying hypotheses at an astronomical rate.  Every time it seems I've settled on an interpretation or perception of a certain situation, something (often times the most seemingly insignificant of details) comes and shakes the very foundation of my resolve.  And then it crumbles and I'm thrust back into doubt.

I tried to run with the idea above but then realized that I can't/shouldn't/won't.  I can't take such thoughts to any logical conclusion and those first few lines make it painfully obvious.  

I watched Into the Wild last night, which is Sean Penn's film adaptation of the book by Krakauer.  The movie left me with the strangest of feelings.  There you have a story which essentially embodies themes that I've been thinking (and dreaming) a whole lot about for the last while, yet I couldn't help but be consumed by a feeling of intense melancholy while watching it.  I was overcome by this implacable sense of loneliness and this feeling was only exacerbated by my walk home after the movie.  Even today, I still feel strangely blank about it.  I thought I'd be able to properly articulate my thoughts, but it seems that I've failed.  Oh well.

The story ends on a cautionary note.  It speaks of the necessity of sharing love and experiences with others; that happiness is bred by offering that which most keep in themselves to those they love most.  I think that such a simple and obvious sentiment is what touched me most, yet for some reason it's something I feel distanced from.

Again, oh well.

  

Monday, March 03, 2008

Little Engines

We made claims to proximity.  Borne from stubborn ideals and our reactive natures, we're reminded of them every time familiarity strays; every moment we struggle to hear each other's voice over the mumblings of a crowd, over the roar of every engine that has ever taken us between two points (sometimes and back.)  Silhouettes left on the stubborn plastic of subway seats and cast by hands gripping the frayed ends of metal fences tell a different story; one where the cracks grow wider the longer they're left untended and where cuts on dry skin take weeks to heal. Backlit by the glow of drifting headlights, you'll look away and I'll struggle to make out your features reflected in the passenger side window.  The inheritance you left me with, I'll divide up between my failures.  And through it all, I'll still blame you when my extremities get cold; when my coughing awakens lovers in the next room; when difficult friendships are far beyond mending.  

Everything under the sun rests between our shoulders, this I now know.  

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I Lost My Lights

It was shortly after 8pm on an early September Sunday when I arrived at Coney Island. The sun had begun to set and all the buildings lining Ocean Avenue were bathed in that warm orange glow that would soon give way to twilight. I’d spent a weekend visiting New York City, taking in its sights and sounds, its energy, and a visit to this iconic Brooklyn neighborhood was to be the culmination of my trip.

Earlier in the evening I’d left Manhattan, crossing the Williamsburgh Bridge into Brooklyn with the Beach Boy’s Pet Sounds blaring on my car stereo. All of the bridge’s lanes were tied up in traffic and commuters were getting tense. Brian Wilson’s brilliantly gentle pop arrangements stood in sharp contrast to the cursing, angry snarls, angrier hand gestures and deafening car horns erupting just outside the window.

With the bridge behind me, I found myself on the northern-most part of the Brooklyn peninsula, with Coney Island lying at its southern tip. Southbound, I drove through Adelphi, South Brooklyn, Flatbush, Kensington. I passed Prospect Park, Greenwood Cemetery, various Laundromats, pizza parlors, used electronics stores and broken down pawn shops. All of them were distinct, colorful and alive; the city brimming with kinetic energy on this late summer evening.

I scanned the FM airwaves on my car’s radio in order to find some music for my southbound drive. A few flicks of the dial later, loud reggae tunes emerged from the speakers. The syncopated guitar clicks, bursts of Caribbean-inflected organ tones and a dub-style bass and drum groove provided a suitably sunny soundtrack. The radio DJ would intermittently cut through the mix with loud chants of “All islands under one nation!” The passion in his voice was enough to single-handedly ignite a Caribbean revolution. The mix of chilled tunes and the host’s fiery reclamations were an odd mix, yet I found myself strangely enthralled.

Shortly before arriving in Coney Island, I drove through Brighton beach, a neighborhood just east of my destination. Brighton Beach is particularly distinct because of its considerable Russian community. A bustling Russian marketplace lay below elevated subway lines. Hot pink, baby blue, electric green and mellow yellow neon signs, all of them sporting an unfamiliar alphabet, evoked an eerily dreamlike yet noticeably fading version of the glory found in Soviet propaganda movies from the 80s.  

I stopped for a moment to ask for directions away from this bright, buzzing chaos and towards my destination. A balding middle-aged man with a thick Russian accent gladly provided me with the information I needed. I was mere minutes away.

I turned the radio dial again, settling on a station airing a retrospective tribute to Sly and the Family Stone. Sly’s smooth funk and soul was to accompany me on the last leg of my trek. The titular chorus to “You Can Make It If You Try” echoed through my speakers and given the unfamiliarity of the surroundings, those words were reassuring.

I rolled into Coney Island to the bombastic fanfare of the Family Stone’s brass section. The neighborhood’s architecture, its landmarks, its streets, they all bear the mark of faded glory. Much of the infrastructure, not to mention the iconic amusement park that many associate it with, was built during the 1920s as a symbol of the Jazz Age and its economic and cultural prosperity. What remains now is something of a derelict husk of that era. ‘For sale’ signs hang over the rusty metal shutters of various disaffected buildings, the streets are littered with beer cans and empty buckets of paint, the streetlights and electric shop signs are dying out, and through it all, Deno’s Wonderwheel spins on in the distance.

All of the subway lines leading to Coney Island converge at Stillwell avenue station. I had parked my car about a block away and walking by, I looked up to see a shiny metal train car arriving on the elevated tracks. Lit by the late evening sun and given a bright orange tint, the station and the arriving transport had an air of displaced modernity, like something you’d find in 1950s accounts of what the future would look like. Up ahead lied Coney Island’s iconic boardwalk: the neighborhood’s prime attraction and the main object of my curiosity.

The boardwalk along the beach was lined with a series of abandoned old buildings. I couldn’t help but think of the one-street shantytowns found in old Sergio Leone western movies. The windows were boarded up, the wooden sidings were stained, chipped and rotting and it seemed that no one had set food inside the shacks in decades. Overlooking the ghost town lay a few gigantic red sky-reaching towers, casting their elongated shadows on the miniscule houses below. The towers evoked gigantic antennas that had once been used to send important transmissions to far off places, but that now found themselves abandoned and useless: a testament to ideals long forgotten.

I reached the beach just as the sun was setting. Its brilliant orange light was ablaze at the exact point where the sky meets the sea. Filaments of yellow, red and orange streamed from that point, stretching across the blue-grey sky. The tide rolled-in violently with pitch-black waves collapsing onto the beach, alternately covering and then revealing the littered sandbank.

That night, even the beach seemed abandoned. A child’s yellow plastic bucket lay turned over in the sand. The air was nearly silent except for the variety of faint cartoonish noises emerging from the nearby amusement park. I stood in the surf for a moment, snapping pictures and taking in the scenery. As the light got too dim for my camera film’s speed to accommodate, I made my way back.

I left Coney Island to the tune of John Coltrane and Thelonious Monk’s collaboration recorded at Carnegie Hall. The tapes of that performance had been lost for nearly 50 years before they were unearthed and published. Much like that forgotten jazz energy was finally revealing itself through my speakers, Coney Island’s age-old wonders had been manifest that night.

4- You've Got To Remember Every Little Thing

I always forget how much I love early mornings.  A good night's sleep allowed me to wake and part the curtains at 8am today, letting in a wash of early morning sunlight.  Delightful.  Last night was MontrĂ©al's infamous "nuit blanche," where the city doesn't sleep and instead offers up a variety of cultural events.  So, of course, I chose such a night to wind up alone at home with nothing much to do.  Oh well, I needed the sleep I suppose.

I feel like I owe this blog my apologies. It seems that I've been mistreating it; using it as some vain exercise in finding increasingly fancy ways of saying I feel like shit. There's very little to be gained in doing such a thing, so I should try to reign in those sentiments. My apologies.

A few weeks ago, I read Ryszard Kapuscinski's Shah of Shahs and was deeply enthralled. The book is a journalistic account of the fall of the last Shah of Iran, but it's the humanity and insight in Kapuscinski's writing that gives it its colours. The writer was in Tehran during the events depicted, making for highly personal and focused storytelling. It touches on themes of fear, power relationships, revolution, the disillusionment that often follows revolutions and, most importantly, it examines human nature at a macroscopic level. There's a passage where Kapuscinski examines the precise moment when a revolution is sparked, detailing the intimate changes in composition that occur between the oppressive and the oppressed. I got chills while reading that bit, so I'm going to reproduce a part of it here.

"Now the most important moment, the moment that will determine the fate of the country, the Shah, and the revolution, is the moment when one policeman walks from his post toward one man on the edge of the crowd, raises his voice, and orders the man to go home. The policeman and the man on the edge of the crowd are ordinary, anonymous people, but their meeting has historic significance. They are both adults, they have both lived through certain events, they have both had their individual experiences. The policeman's experience: If I shout at someone and raise my truncheon, he will first go numb with terror and then take to his heels. The experience of the man at the edge of the crowd: At the sight of an approaching policeman I am seized by fear and start running. On the basis of these experiences we can elaborate a scenario: The policeman shouts, the man runs, others take flight, the square empties. But this time everything turns out differently. The policeman shouts, but the man doesn't run. He just stands there, looking at the policeman. It's a cautious look, still tinged with fear, but at the same time tough and insolent. So that's the way it is! The man on the edge of the crowd is looking insolently at uniformed authority. He doesn't budge. He glances around and sees the same look on other faces. Like his, their faces are watchful, still a bit fearful, but already firm and unrelenting. Nobody runs though the policeman has gone on shouting; at last he stops. There is a moment of silence. We don't know whether the policeman and the man on the edge of the crowd already realize what has happened. The man has stopped being afraid- and this is precisely the beginning of the revolution. Here it starts. Until now, whenever these two men approached each other, a third figure instantly intervened between them. That third figure was fear. Fear was the policeman's ally and the man in the crowd's foe. Fear interposed its rules and decided everything. Now the two men find themselves alone, facing each other, and fear has disappeared into thin air. Until now their relationship was charged with emotion, a mixture of aggression, scorn, rage, terror. But now that fear has retreated, this perverse, hateful union has suddenly broken up; something has been extinguished. The two men have now grown mutually indifferent, useless to each other; they can go their own ways. Accordingly, the policeman turns around and begins to walk heavily back toward his post, while the man on the edge of the crowd stands there looking at his vanishing enemy."
(from KAPUSCINSKI, Shah of Shahs)

Writing like this is precisely why I found myself interested in good journalism in the first place and it's also something I very much aspire to.

I believe it's somewhat fitting that I'm posting and talking about someone else's art today, as my own creative output has been seemingly cut down in its tracks.  My band City of a Hundred Spires has been one of, if not the, most important thing in my life for the past five years and now I can't help but be a bit disillusioned about it.  Things aren't quite going marvelously in the COAHS camp for a variety of reasons, both internal and external, and I find it all rather discouraging.  Maybe things will mend themselves but it is indeed crushing to realize that I now feel as though we're back to square one in a few senses.  There's ultimately no point in writing about this here as I obviously don't feel up to discussing the minute details of the problems, so I'll just drop it.

I managed to swoop by the cinemas on Friday night to catch Be Kind Rewind.  I really can't understand why it's been receiving such negative press.  Sure, thematically and in terms of emotional depth, it has nothing in common with Gondry's previous films, but in terms of the director's wide-eyed wonder with the medium of filmmaking, not to mention his truly unique and endearing sense of imagination, Be Kind Rewind is a success.  Simply, it's a kids story for adults.  You'd have to be truly cold-hearted not to smile or feel warmed up by the movie's end. But then again, who am I to make judgment calls on you.  Go see it for yourself. 

Also, here are a fews points regarding last week's Oscars ceremony:

- Generally, boring as all hell (how did this expression come into being?  Hell should be anything but boring.)
- Daniel Day-Lewis' win was well deserved.  This made me happy.
- Those Once kids winning for Best Song was kinda cute.
- Paul Thomas Anderson got robbed.  He should've won both Best Picture (There Will Be Blood) and Best Director (for said movie.)
- Jon Stewart was generally funny.  Of particular note was his shout out to Dennis Hopper.  "Just letting him know where he is."  Hilarious.
- Roger Deakins should have won the Best Cinematography Oscar for The Assassination of Jessie James by the Coward Robert Ford.  That is the most strikingly beautiful photography I've seen in movies in a long time.  
- In a similar vein, Nick Cave and Warren Ellis' score for the above-mentioned movie should have been nominated for Best Score.  Shame.

Wonderful, it's only 10am and I have a beautiful day ahead of me.  Let's make the best of it.  Cheers.

Music: 
- J. Tillman - Cancer & Delirium
- Frodus - ...And We Washed Our Weapons in the Sea
- Blonde Redhead - 23