Tuesday, October 21, 2008

congratulations on the mess you made of things

It's nearly 6am and I am in Boston. I spent the day here yesterday, though it was an odd one. Walked around the Harvard and MIT campuses, saw a movie, chased train tracks. I barely slept. It was warm enough for me to forego the sleeping bag, but I never could find a comfortable position. This is something I must somehow remedy, and sooner rather than later. I think I'm a bit hungry.

People here make me feel dumb for using the Courier font and for knowing very little about AIDS in sub-saharan African. At least I don't wear purple dress shirts with navy blue ties. Fucker.

I'm debating whether to recline it out until the sun rises or simply hit the road right now. Boston is nice but I feel like I should keep going. Why is that? What is it that's dragging me along? What am I chasing? What do I expect/hope to find?

I did find a cheap pair of checkered Airwalk slip-ons at Payless here yesterday, but I didn't get them. Maybe I should wait til the store opens and go buy them. These Eras are falling apart. I should also invest in some wool socks.

Things I learnt today/yesterday:

- F1 grade car wax makes my car look shiny again
- everybody in this city is smarter than I am
- everybody in this city has more ambition, drive and potential than i will ever have
- rachel getting married is a really good movie
- in my memories, cities are sparsely populated, the roads are devoid of cars/traffic and every street is a narrow one
- i have very little will to purchase things when i can't immediately use them

word of the day: 

ah fuck it, my battery is nearly dead.. no time for word of the day.

peace.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

she drinks her salty dog, talking about the sound of the waves.

It's 10pm or so and I'm typing up a blog entry from a rest area parking lot somewhere in Vermont. The last few days (and more specifically, the last few hours) have been interesting, emotional, horrifying, exciting and most certainly complex. Byzantine even. Whatever. 

So I guess I left home yesterday afternoon at some point, but that's only a half-truth. The first leg of my adventure (one that will hopefully be millipede-esque) took me to Montreal, so in all fairness I didn't really leave 'home' until this evening. I saw a few friends that I hadn't seen in a while (which was very nice) and tried to hang on for dear life to any sort of familiarity I could get my hands on. The disconnect happened the moment I parted ways with a really good friend of mine some time this afternoon. It was the oddest thing to be fully aware that that was the last direct contact with familiarity I would have for (at the very least) the next month. 

Argh. My mind is a scramble. There are so many ideas buzzing in my head right now that I can't make sense of any of them. One thing is certain, I haven't felt this way in a while. Maybe ever.

It's funny that the border guard chose to criticize my lack of any tangible assets. Apparently, given my story, the dude was suspicious that I might be simply fleeing Canada and heading South, never to return. So he tried to have me list items/things/relationships that I might have back home that would, you know, tie me to the place and therefore prove that I was planning on heading back..

"So do you own or rent housing?"

"Well, my permanent address is at home with my parents.. and right now, I live in my grandparents' basement."

"Where do you work?"

"Umm. I don't have a job right now, I quit a few days ago."

"Are you in school?"

"Well not right now, I graduated over the summer."

"Girlfriend or significant other back home?"

"Nah."

"Is this car yours?"

"Well, technically it is.. but my mom has the ownership."

"I see. You know 'guy', you really need to get some assets."

Shucks, thanks buddy. As if I didn't already feel inadequate 90% of the time.

Bed time? Bed time.

Word of the Day: Byzantine

Notes: 

- bridges freeze before roads apparently. duh.
- cars and roman candles
- my mind is like a sieve. let's work on that.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Golgotha - The Place of the Skull

I find my misfortune to be highly amusing sometimes. For example, who would have thought that something as innocent as going to Chapters to buy children's books would result in Vince and I getting sprayed with piss? I certainly didn't. So get this. We were walking down George Street heading towards the Chapters on the corner of Rideau and Sussex, when all of a sudden this abhorrent smell found its way into my nasal passages. It was a vile smell, the kind you would imagine attached to something being dredged up from the recesses of hell. With hand over mouth, I scanned the area to determine the source of the foul. I read 'City of Ottawa Sewage Waste' on the side of a truck, and then it hit me, quite literally. I felt moist misty speckles of something hit my skin and the smell got worse. A rather large exhaust fan on the back of the 'Sewage Waste' truck was spraying the environs with a rank fog that was no doubt a mixture of piss, excrement, toilet paper bits, vomit and beer. Awesome. Vince and I ran out of the thick as quickly as we could, but we hadn't been spared. We smelled our clothing and our skin and came to grips with the abomination we'd just been faced with. The City of Ottawa had just doused us with piss and shit. Needless to say, buying children's books for my co-worker's teaching trip to India was an unpleasant and embarassing affair: unpleasant for the clerks dealing with me and for the other customers in Chapters, embarassing for Vince and myself, who smelled like we'd just crawled out of a toilet bowl. The only positive thing I learnt from the entire situation was that Febreeze gets the smell of piss out rather nicely.

Fuck you, City of Ottawa. You win this round, but I won't be around long enough for you to piss on me again.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Campfire Kansas

I like the Get Up Kids. I really do. Yesterday, I was droning away in my office (yes, I have an office.. more on that in a bit) and Campfire Kansas came on my iPod's shuffle play. I was reminded that not only is that a wonderful song, but that right now, in the (hopefully not that linear) vector that is my life, this is not where I want to be.

So I graduated. For real. Well actually, not quite for real. I still need to go through the whole convocation ceremony process, but as far as requirements, classes and procedures are concerned, I'm good to go. I will soon be holder of a B.A. in Journalism, for whatever that's worth.

I also moved.I’m now living in the Outaouais region in a nice little apartment by the river, conveniently located in my grandparents’ basement. The rent is cheap (read: free) and the location is fairly convenient, allowing me easy access to anything of note in the National Capital region, all while giving me the opportunity to bike to work every day. This brings us to the aforementioned office. Through a combination of luck and the benevolence of certain family members, I got offered a casual position working for Service Canada. Yes, I’ve become a government worker. I partake in the 8 to 4 grind here and in the evenings I rule with an iron fist at the Freshmart, my father’s grocery store in lovely Chelsea Quebec. Needless to say, this keeps me rather busy.

And all of this for what? Have I grown to dislike Montreal? Am I willing to stand up on my desk, gazing down at all on the other side of my cubicle walls and proclaim “to hell with journalism, I am a public servant!”? I’m happy to say that both of the above hypotheses are complete folly.

No, the reality of it is that I need money. Living the student life has left me with some considerable debt that I need to take care of a.s.a.p. I’ve been fortunate enough to be presented with a situation that allows me to work extensively (for very decent pay) and absolves me of virtually any cost of living. Not to take of advantage of it would be downright stupid.

Yet despite the practicality of it all, I’m horribly dissatisfied. I now find myself living for my week-ends, anxiously awaiting the next two day respite before it all starts over again. I feel like I’ve gone off the rails and have gradually lost sight of what I was working towards. In the last few days, I’ve been questioning my motives for moving back here, for taking this monetarily fruitful, yet spiritually, emotionally and intellectually bankrupt detour. As much as I try to remind myself of the reason for it all, I’m just not convinced anymore. I feel cheated out of what should be a really exciting time in my life.

The only positive aspect I’ve been able to wrangle out of all of this has been a definition of ‘home’. Since I first moved to Montreal three years ago, I’ve been unsuccessfully trying to define that term. But now that I’ve moved back to the Outaouais region, a new kind of perspective has emerged. I’m here to debunk the theory of ‘home is where the heart is,’ at least in my own narrowly biased view of things. I’m living in a place where a great deal of the people I love most reside, yet I can’t help but feel alien and displaced. ‘Home’ is a feeling, this much is certain, but I believe it to be one that implies synergy and communion between a person and his surroundings rather than between a person and those he interacts with. On Sunday morning, I walked the streets of Montreal under the beating of heavy rain fall and I felt peaceful. The city spoke to me, offered me comfort, consoled my loneliness and granted me my very own tract of significance and purpose amidst its rumblings and shakings. Leaving the city in the afternoon, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d return and take the place that is offered to me. I miss 'home.'

I'm also having some trouble coming to grips with certain elements of change. It is obvious that very few things can be qualified as constant, even though we often have the audacity of labeling them as such. I'm finding myself being estranged from things I held to dearly, and the process has been a difficult one. Change breeds distance it seems. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to breed proximity.

So back to Campfire Kansas. I've always had this little ideal of the perfect Summer and the Get Up Kids just totally nailed that state/feeling with this song. I wish all my summer evenings were spent lying down by a river with a good book, my head propped up against some rough tree bark, the whole scene tinted a sepia orange, everything drowned in the warm evening light. Every year, I cross my fingers and hope that this will be the one where I manage to approximate my ideal. Needless to say, I'm always let down. I need to learn to make the most of anything, I guess that's what the song's about.

That's quite enough for now. Once I figure things out, you'll hear from me again. But really, I'd like to hear from you.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

So Many People

We interrupt your regularly programmed bitching about girls for a slight change of pace.  I want to talk about music.  You know 'music' ? Yep that's right, those marvelous vibrations and oscillations occurring at varying frequencies and sequenced in such a way as to evoke all kinds of reactions in those hearing/perceiving them.  I love music.  You few that know me know that I love music.  Why then do I write about dour shit all of time and not about the things that bring me great joy (hint: music) ?  Oh, who knows.  What I do know is that this post is entirely dedicated to music, no compromise.

Where do I start?  So I've been privy to hearing a pair of as yet unreleased and highly anticipated records over the last week.  The albums in question are Sigur Ros'(I'm aware of the accents, I just don't care to replicate them) Með Suð í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust and Coldplay's Viva La Vida (or Death and All his Friends). I've been listening to both of these all week and have been enjoying them quite a bit.  The Sigur Ros album, at least with it's first few songs, presents itself as a considerably warmer and more organic affair than what their back catalogue would suggest.  Earthy, playful melodies pour out of songs showcasing surprisingly (for the band) concise and restrained composition.  The band is back to its old tricks by the half-way point however, with 'Festival' 's lengthy dirge steering the album's second half into much darker territory.  It should be noted that the set's closer, 'All Alright', is sung in what appears to be english.  What's more is that the track might very well be one of the most stirring and heartbreaking tunes the band has put together.  The hushed, barely mumbled vocals and the shy, almost hesitant piano chords create a mood of desolation, shame and despair.  I remember a part in Radiohead's Meeting People is Easy where a journalist describes Ok Computer's 'Lucky' as "music to slit your wrists to."  If any song was ever worthy of such a statement, 'All Alright' would be it.  Anyhow, good record.

And what about the new Coldplay?  I feel sort of silly writing about something that will be written about ad nauseam for the coming years, but here goes anyway.  Simply, it's good, polite, inoffensive, fun and slightly experimental rock music.  It showcases the most interesting song writing of Coldplay's career, not to mention some of Christ Martin's better lyrics.  The band isn't breaking any new ground or even making genuinely great music, but really it's just so damn easy to enjoy. My biggest complaints with the album lie with a few failed attempts at 'adventurous' song writing (i.e. the poorly executed transitions that segue the jarringly incompatible sections of '42') and a few ideas that just come off as blatantly derivative (i.e. the My Bloody Valentine/Slowdive aping of hidden track 'Chinese Sleep Chant', the textured post-rock of opener 'Life in Technicolor', the post-punk rhythms that close off 'Death and All his Friends', the middle-eastern folk strings of 'Yes') But you know, here I am complaining like a critic, yet I've been listening constantly since Monday.  All I'm trying to get at is that if Coldplay manages to work on their song writing and arranging skills, all while finding ways of incorporating their influences into their own sound, they'd become a great band instead of a really good one.

What else?  I just heard the new Beck single a few minutes ago and upon first listen it struck me as tremendous.  Really tremendous.  Chemtrails is a blisteringly concise psych/baroque pop number with drums and bass that absolutely lay everything to waste. I'm now excited for Modern Guilt.

Finally, Mogwai is putting out a new album in September called The Hawk is Howling. The album will be preceded by the Batcat EP, Batcat being the title of the album's first single.  Below is a video of the mighty scots performing said song live.  If this is any indication of what the album will be like, I think we should all be looking forward to it.


And I guess that's it.  I'll update this with more personal details soon I guess. Yay, music.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

5- 90% Of My Mind Is With You

For the past few days I've been struggling with my unhealthy habit of over-analyzing the fabric of my everyday.  I've been dissecting things to pieces, restructuring those pieces over and over, and trying to find some semblance of sense or purpose to events/occurrences that most would find rather mundane.  I've been building and destroying hypotheses at an astronomical rate.  Every time it seems I've settled on an interpretation or perception of a certain situation, something (often times the most seemingly insignificant of details) comes and shakes the very foundation of my resolve.  And then it crumbles and I'm thrust back into doubt.

I tried to run with the idea above but then realized that I can't/shouldn't/won't.  I can't take such thoughts to any logical conclusion and those first few lines make it painfully obvious.  

I watched Into the Wild last night, which is Sean Penn's film adaptation of the book by Krakauer.  The movie left me with the strangest of feelings.  There you have a story which essentially embodies themes that I've been thinking (and dreaming) a whole lot about for the last while, yet I couldn't help but be consumed by a feeling of intense melancholy while watching it.  I was overcome by this implacable sense of loneliness and this feeling was only exacerbated by my walk home after the movie.  Even today, I still feel strangely blank about it.  I thought I'd be able to properly articulate my thoughts, but it seems that I've failed.  Oh well.

The story ends on a cautionary note.  It speaks of the necessity of sharing love and experiences with others; that happiness is bred by offering that which most keep in themselves to those they love most.  I think that such a simple and obvious sentiment is what touched me most, yet for some reason it's something I feel distanced from.

Again, oh well.

  

Monday, March 03, 2008

Little Engines

We made claims to proximity.  Borne from stubborn ideals and our reactive natures, we're reminded of them every time familiarity strays; every moment we struggle to hear each other's voice over the mumblings of a crowd, over the roar of every engine that has ever taken us between two points (sometimes and back.)  Silhouettes left on the stubborn plastic of subway seats and cast by hands gripping the frayed ends of metal fences tell a different story; one where the cracks grow wider the longer they're left untended and where cuts on dry skin take weeks to heal. Backlit by the glow of drifting headlights, you'll look away and I'll struggle to make out your features reflected in the passenger side window.  The inheritance you left me with, I'll divide up between my failures.  And through it all, I'll still blame you when my extremities get cold; when my coughing awakens lovers in the next room; when difficult friendships are far beyond mending.  

Everything under the sun rests between our shoulders, this I now know.  

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I Lost My Lights

It was shortly after 8pm on an early September Sunday when I arrived at Coney Island. The sun had begun to set and all the buildings lining Ocean Avenue were bathed in that warm orange glow that would soon give way to twilight. I’d spent a weekend visiting New York City, taking in its sights and sounds, its energy, and a visit to this iconic Brooklyn neighborhood was to be the culmination of my trip.

Earlier in the evening I’d left Manhattan, crossing the Williamsburgh Bridge into Brooklyn with the Beach Boy’s Pet Sounds blaring on my car stereo. All of the bridge’s lanes were tied up in traffic and commuters were getting tense. Brian Wilson’s brilliantly gentle pop arrangements stood in sharp contrast to the cursing, angry snarls, angrier hand gestures and deafening car horns erupting just outside the window.

With the bridge behind me, I found myself on the northern-most part of the Brooklyn peninsula, with Coney Island lying at its southern tip. Southbound, I drove through Adelphi, South Brooklyn, Flatbush, Kensington. I passed Prospect Park, Greenwood Cemetery, various Laundromats, pizza parlors, used electronics stores and broken down pawn shops. All of them were distinct, colorful and alive; the city brimming with kinetic energy on this late summer evening.

I scanned the FM airwaves on my car’s radio in order to find some music for my southbound drive. A few flicks of the dial later, loud reggae tunes emerged from the speakers. The syncopated guitar clicks, bursts of Caribbean-inflected organ tones and a dub-style bass and drum groove provided a suitably sunny soundtrack. The radio DJ would intermittently cut through the mix with loud chants of “All islands under one nation!” The passion in his voice was enough to single-handedly ignite a Caribbean revolution. The mix of chilled tunes and the host’s fiery reclamations were an odd mix, yet I found myself strangely enthralled.

Shortly before arriving in Coney Island, I drove through Brighton beach, a neighborhood just east of my destination. Brighton Beach is particularly distinct because of its considerable Russian community. A bustling Russian marketplace lay below elevated subway lines. Hot pink, baby blue, electric green and mellow yellow neon signs, all of them sporting an unfamiliar alphabet, evoked an eerily dreamlike yet noticeably fading version of the glory found in Soviet propaganda movies from the 80s.  

I stopped for a moment to ask for directions away from this bright, buzzing chaos and towards my destination. A balding middle-aged man with a thick Russian accent gladly provided me with the information I needed. I was mere minutes away.

I turned the radio dial again, settling on a station airing a retrospective tribute to Sly and the Family Stone. Sly’s smooth funk and soul was to accompany me on the last leg of my trek. The titular chorus to “You Can Make It If You Try” echoed through my speakers and given the unfamiliarity of the surroundings, those words were reassuring.

I rolled into Coney Island to the bombastic fanfare of the Family Stone’s brass section. The neighborhood’s architecture, its landmarks, its streets, they all bear the mark of faded glory. Much of the infrastructure, not to mention the iconic amusement park that many associate it with, was built during the 1920s as a symbol of the Jazz Age and its economic and cultural prosperity. What remains now is something of a derelict husk of that era. ‘For sale’ signs hang over the rusty metal shutters of various disaffected buildings, the streets are littered with beer cans and empty buckets of paint, the streetlights and electric shop signs are dying out, and through it all, Deno’s Wonderwheel spins on in the distance.

All of the subway lines leading to Coney Island converge at Stillwell avenue station. I had parked my car about a block away and walking by, I looked up to see a shiny metal train car arriving on the elevated tracks. Lit by the late evening sun and given a bright orange tint, the station and the arriving transport had an air of displaced modernity, like something you’d find in 1950s accounts of what the future would look like. Up ahead lied Coney Island’s iconic boardwalk: the neighborhood’s prime attraction and the main object of my curiosity.

The boardwalk along the beach was lined with a series of abandoned old buildings. I couldn’t help but think of the one-street shantytowns found in old Sergio Leone western movies. The windows were boarded up, the wooden sidings were stained, chipped and rotting and it seemed that no one had set food inside the shacks in decades. Overlooking the ghost town lay a few gigantic red sky-reaching towers, casting their elongated shadows on the miniscule houses below. The towers evoked gigantic antennas that had once been used to send important transmissions to far off places, but that now found themselves abandoned and useless: a testament to ideals long forgotten.

I reached the beach just as the sun was setting. Its brilliant orange light was ablaze at the exact point where the sky meets the sea. Filaments of yellow, red and orange streamed from that point, stretching across the blue-grey sky. The tide rolled-in violently with pitch-black waves collapsing onto the beach, alternately covering and then revealing the littered sandbank.

That night, even the beach seemed abandoned. A child’s yellow plastic bucket lay turned over in the sand. The air was nearly silent except for the variety of faint cartoonish noises emerging from the nearby amusement park. I stood in the surf for a moment, snapping pictures and taking in the scenery. As the light got too dim for my camera film’s speed to accommodate, I made my way back.

I left Coney Island to the tune of John Coltrane and Thelonious Monk’s collaboration recorded at Carnegie Hall. The tapes of that performance had been lost for nearly 50 years before they were unearthed and published. Much like that forgotten jazz energy was finally revealing itself through my speakers, Coney Island’s age-old wonders had been manifest that night.

4- You've Got To Remember Every Little Thing

I always forget how much I love early mornings.  A good night's sleep allowed me to wake and part the curtains at 8am today, letting in a wash of early morning sunlight.  Delightful.  Last night was Montréal's infamous "nuit blanche," where the city doesn't sleep and instead offers up a variety of cultural events.  So, of course, I chose such a night to wind up alone at home with nothing much to do.  Oh well, I needed the sleep I suppose.

I feel like I owe this blog my apologies. It seems that I've been mistreating it; using it as some vain exercise in finding increasingly fancy ways of saying I feel like shit. There's very little to be gained in doing such a thing, so I should try to reign in those sentiments. My apologies.

A few weeks ago, I read Ryszard Kapuscinski's Shah of Shahs and was deeply enthralled. The book is a journalistic account of the fall of the last Shah of Iran, but it's the humanity and insight in Kapuscinski's writing that gives it its colours. The writer was in Tehran during the events depicted, making for highly personal and focused storytelling. It touches on themes of fear, power relationships, revolution, the disillusionment that often follows revolutions and, most importantly, it examines human nature at a macroscopic level. There's a passage where Kapuscinski examines the precise moment when a revolution is sparked, detailing the intimate changes in composition that occur between the oppressive and the oppressed. I got chills while reading that bit, so I'm going to reproduce a part of it here.

"Now the most important moment, the moment that will determine the fate of the country, the Shah, and the revolution, is the moment when one policeman walks from his post toward one man on the edge of the crowd, raises his voice, and orders the man to go home. The policeman and the man on the edge of the crowd are ordinary, anonymous people, but their meeting has historic significance. They are both adults, they have both lived through certain events, they have both had their individual experiences. The policeman's experience: If I shout at someone and raise my truncheon, he will first go numb with terror and then take to his heels. The experience of the man at the edge of the crowd: At the sight of an approaching policeman I am seized by fear and start running. On the basis of these experiences we can elaborate a scenario: The policeman shouts, the man runs, others take flight, the square empties. But this time everything turns out differently. The policeman shouts, but the man doesn't run. He just stands there, looking at the policeman. It's a cautious look, still tinged with fear, but at the same time tough and insolent. So that's the way it is! The man on the edge of the crowd is looking insolently at uniformed authority. He doesn't budge. He glances around and sees the same look on other faces. Like his, their faces are watchful, still a bit fearful, but already firm and unrelenting. Nobody runs though the policeman has gone on shouting; at last he stops. There is a moment of silence. We don't know whether the policeman and the man on the edge of the crowd already realize what has happened. The man has stopped being afraid- and this is precisely the beginning of the revolution. Here it starts. Until now, whenever these two men approached each other, a third figure instantly intervened between them. That third figure was fear. Fear was the policeman's ally and the man in the crowd's foe. Fear interposed its rules and decided everything. Now the two men find themselves alone, facing each other, and fear has disappeared into thin air. Until now their relationship was charged with emotion, a mixture of aggression, scorn, rage, terror. But now that fear has retreated, this perverse, hateful union has suddenly broken up; something has been extinguished. The two men have now grown mutually indifferent, useless to each other; they can go their own ways. Accordingly, the policeman turns around and begins to walk heavily back toward his post, while the man on the edge of the crowd stands there looking at his vanishing enemy."
(from KAPUSCINSKI, Shah of Shahs)

Writing like this is precisely why I found myself interested in good journalism in the first place and it's also something I very much aspire to.

I believe it's somewhat fitting that I'm posting and talking about someone else's art today, as my own creative output has been seemingly cut down in its tracks.  My band City of a Hundred Spires has been one of, if not the, most important thing in my life for the past five years and now I can't help but be a bit disillusioned about it.  Things aren't quite going marvelously in the COAHS camp for a variety of reasons, both internal and external, and I find it all rather discouraging.  Maybe things will mend themselves but it is indeed crushing to realize that I now feel as though we're back to square one in a few senses.  There's ultimately no point in writing about this here as I obviously don't feel up to discussing the minute details of the problems, so I'll just drop it.

I managed to swoop by the cinemas on Friday night to catch Be Kind Rewind.  I really can't understand why it's been receiving such negative press.  Sure, thematically and in terms of emotional depth, it has nothing in common with Gondry's previous films, but in terms of the director's wide-eyed wonder with the medium of filmmaking, not to mention his truly unique and endearing sense of imagination, Be Kind Rewind is a success.  Simply, it's a kids story for adults.  You'd have to be truly cold-hearted not to smile or feel warmed up by the movie's end. But then again, who am I to make judgment calls on you.  Go see it for yourself. 

Also, here are a fews points regarding last week's Oscars ceremony:

- Generally, boring as all hell (how did this expression come into being?  Hell should be anything but boring.)
- Daniel Day-Lewis' win was well deserved.  This made me happy.
- Those Once kids winning for Best Song was kinda cute.
- Paul Thomas Anderson got robbed.  He should've won both Best Picture (There Will Be Blood) and Best Director (for said movie.)
- Jon Stewart was generally funny.  Of particular note was his shout out to Dennis Hopper.  "Just letting him know where he is."  Hilarious.
- Roger Deakins should have won the Best Cinematography Oscar for The Assassination of Jessie James by the Coward Robert Ford.  That is the most strikingly beautiful photography I've seen in movies in a long time.  
- In a similar vein, Nick Cave and Warren Ellis' score for the above-mentioned movie should have been nominated for Best Score.  Shame.

Wonderful, it's only 10am and I have a beautiful day ahead of me.  Let's make the best of it.  Cheers.

Music: 
- J. Tillman - Cancer & Delirium
- Frodus - ...And We Washed Our Weapons in the Sea
- Blonde Redhead - 23

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

3- Here We Go, Hold On Tight and Don't Let Go

It stopped snowing minutes ago and I'm thankful. I don't know how much more of the snowy onslaught I could've endured. Today is one of those days where just about nothing makes sense. I feel like I'm barely a person lately: stripped of my self-esteem, my focus, my wit; devoid of stories to tell, of things to love and of small victories. Sure, I still have the broad strokes in front of me. I still know what I want to achieve and I still have the ambition necessary to get there. But the lines I'd drawn in the sand to lead me to that goal have been erased. The fall is coming so quickly and I'm not sure how I'll manage to have all of my shit together by then. I'm a terrible mess. I want to leave and cut myself off from all that is familiar. I hate to be buying into that age-old 'finding yourself' cliché, but I certainly have trouble locating myself in any semblance of a coherent way lately. There's no purpose or mystery to anything I do and this discourse is redundant. Oh, shush already.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

2- Some Hearts Are True

I walked home this morning just as the sun was rising. Montreal was still asleep and the air was cold and dry. For the first time this winter, I felt my beard crisp up because of the cold. I was listening to the new A Silver Mount Zion record at deafening volumes and was just overwhelmed by its beauty. As the chants at the end of BlindBlindBlind (the album's closer) receded, I had to stop and compose myself. I hadn't felt as emotionally tempered by a piece of music in quite a long time. "Some hearts are true" indeed.

Monday, February 11, 2008

1 - What honest words can't you afford to say?

Oh, sweet focus where have you gone? I think I have completely lost my ability to get any work done without being distracted by an infinite number of things. It's not that I don't want to get things done, but I'm starting to feel that I don't know how! Frightening. I have a week off coming up, so consequently this week promises to be pure hell, with a variety of hurdles that will necessitate overcoming. I suppose I will resort to the tried (and maybe not so true) method of making a list of things that I need to accomplish before the week is out. I need to put things into perspective (how many times have I typed that into this box before?) and figure out ways of motivating myself.

SO.. LIST!

Things to do:

1) Finishing considerably late paper for Globalization class. Due: ASAP
2) Studying for History exam... i.e. catching up on all the readings I haven't done. Due: Tuesday night at 6pm
3) Finishing John Hersey's Hiroshima (3 chapters left.) Due: Wednesday morning
4) Practicing for Music for Dummies exam. Due: Thursday morning
5) Writing final draft of my Coney Island piece for Literary Non-Fiction class. Due: Friday (read: Thursday before 6pm)
6) Shoveling the snow in the alleyway and getting my car out of there. Due: Thursday before 6pm
7) Eating. Due: Every day
8) Staying sane. Due: Every other day

Things to look forward to:

1) Graveyard of Ships mixes by week's end
2) City of a Hundred Spires band practice on Thursday (fuck you Valentine's day)
3) Thrice show on Saturday
4) Hang outs
5) Movie watching
6) Photo adventures
7) Reading
8) Lost
9) Autumn

Okay. We have perspective. We have an outline clearly laid out in front of us. Bloodshot eyes, cold feet and colder hands are not an excuse. By the end of tonight I have to scratch at least one element off of the top list. Here we go.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

There Will Be Blood

As the lights slowly dimmed and then died out, she slouched in her red velvet seat, arms tightly crossed, her gaze straight ahead. Her inappropriate posture betrayed her considerable height; she was a fairly tall girl, standing at around five feet, eight inches.

The brightly lit barren desert mountains that appeared before her made her squint, her pupils contracting, adjusting to the dramatic increase in light. The wash of ivory made her already pale complexion even fainter, her appearance now bordering on ghostly. An uncomfortable grin drew itself across her face as violins, violas and cellos struck discordant sixteenth notes at an unrelenting pace, establishing an eerily contrasting soundtrack to the static yet serene scenery before her.

As time went on, she sunk deeper into her seat, her shoulders eventually resting well below mine. A blaze raged before us in the nighttime desert sky, the reds, oranges and yellows tinting her cheeks and forehead. Her eyes drifted away from the spectacle, momentarily meeting mine. Her shy smile acknowledged my inquisitive glance. I could do nothing but smile back.

Loud yelling erupted and she sprung up, her back hunched and leaning forward, teetering precariously on the edge of her seat. Two men clashed in an old two-lane bowling alley. They stomped about the room, one of them angrily shouting as the other recoiled in horror. Her lips curled up, forming a slight grin on her face. The expression was hesitant; she knew full well that the event unfolding before her was one of violence and depravity, and that smiles were inappropriate. As the violence reached its peak, there was blood. She sat silent, wide-eyed.

“I’m finished,” cried out the survivor. A Brahms-penned classical piece was heard as the credits rolled.

*this was an exercise in description for a literary non-fiction class