So it's been what, a bit over a month since I last jotted down some of my thoughts in this thing? It seems that as per par, I failed to deliver the goods... I can't quite grasp why I have such a hard time finding the incentive and motivation to write down a few simple words in here, but here goes nothing yet again.
I am a wreck. At this point it seems like the only phrase I can come up with that adequately sums up how I feel. I'm sitting here trying my hand at writing these witty or clever lines to properly explain myself, and honestly I keep falling flat. I am a mess. Yeah, that one works as well. And now my attention is diverted by this absolutely beautiful distorted riff in Mineral's Unfinished, and no matter how hopeful and inspiring it is, there's simply no hipster indie way for me to word any of this.. And I am disappointed. Disappointed that my resolution to put enormous effort into my school projects hasn't fully worked out. Disappointed that I'm still working the same job, even after resolving that I was going to obtain a new one, in an effort to change at least part of what has made me so jaded. Disappointed that I gave up on a few situations that could've led to something genuinely nice, new and positive. Disappointed that I've become so boisterously emotional. Disappointed that I have no one to share with. Disappointed that I am now such a reclusive loner, ultimately distancing myself from some of my best friends, from some people that I truly care about. Disappointed that I misspelled "disappointed" so many times in the first version of this entry. Disappointed that I can't write guitar parts as good as that fucking Mineral riff.
Now is that to say that I'm disappointed in myself? Honestly, I am not. I am proud of who I am and of the few things that I've accomplished. I am a flawed individual for sure, but I'm very grateful to be aware of these blemishes; it affords me opportunities for bettering myself.
What's this I hear? "Great, fucker decides to write a new post just to whine about how he hates himself!?" No, that wasn't quite the point. This post is a reminder of where I was, and ultimately of where I'm heading; so that I can look back on all of this in a few months and be proud of where I'll be. And I mean that in the most positive way. Time to get to work. Cheers...
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3 comments:
I think you should be disappointed that you spelt disappointed incorrectly so many times. (!)
Don't let apathy inhibit your capabilities regarding the undertaking of new and exciting endeavors. All of the things you mentioned are entirely possible and you are capable of so much. Stop fretting about the small things you cannot do anything about and relish the things that are within your control.
But you probably know all of this already.
Keep your chin up bud!
Thanks Mike.. It's fixed.. How bitterly ironic..
dude, you need to LJ it up. fuck blogspotter.
http://www.livejournal.com
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